Thursday Barks & Bytes & ThoughtFUL Thursday
I can’t believe it’s Thursday already. This week really flew by. The first few days were rough as I had a killer migraine that kept me in bed for about a day and a half. I have neck and back injuries stemming from accidents long ago and if I sleep wrong, the pain can bring on a horrific headache, which then turns the corner into a migraine. It was especially crappy since I’ve already been dealing with some pretty decent middle and low back pain for a few weeks now. I grew up seeing chiropractors (which always seemed to make it worse) and spending a lot of money and time trying to find relief and pretty much all anyone wanted to do was give me pain meds. I just can’t live my life on pain meds. I’m pretty sure the condition of my neck has deteriorated over the years. I suspect some compressed discs. Massage helps, but insurance doesn’t cover that and it gets pretty expensive. It doesn’t really help long-term, anyway.
When I started doing yoga I found that it helped immensely. Too bad my local Y doesn’t give a class every day. I need to make the time for myself and do it here at home. I think that is one of the toughest parts of a stay-at-home mom’s life–making the time to take proper care of yourself. For some reason this country has this idea that if you are a mother–particularly one who is at home–and you aren’t tending to the house, your children or your spouse 24/7 you aren’t doing your job. That you’re lazy. I think this is where the Europeans have it right: When you have children, they should adapt to your life, not the other way around. We should not revolve our entire existence around our children and become totally different people; “giving machines” that just let everyone suck everything out of us until we don’t even know who we are anymore. This isn’t right, nor is it healthy.
When I separated from my husband and when I had the mastectomy, I really began to see myself and my life differently. The mastectomy (and how close I came to what could have been a catastrophic situation had I put that mammogram off any longer) in particular made me realize that not only am I extremely lucky, but that my days are numbered. Now we all know this, but the clarity that comes to you in a situation like this really makes you think very seriously on that.
My days are numbered.
Was I happy with what I had done so far? How was I living my life? How many years of saying “One day…” had gone by? We really do not know how many days we have left. I am not as bulletproof as I once thought I was, with limitless time and energy. I’ve developed a feeling of anxiousness almost; like I need to do what I need to do. Now. Or at least as soon as possible.
Those feelings were part of the motivation to begin writing the book on which I am currently working, which this blog will accompany. It’s coming along slowly, though. I still haven’t mastered how to juggle writing time, house chores, kid stuff, marriage stuff, dog stuff and me stuff. I have never been good at organizing or dividing my time. I try. I really do. Since my most creative time is in the morning, this is when I write. I’ve tried doing it in the afternoons (too noisy, kid interruptions, errands, dinner prep) and at night after kids are in bed (I’m exhausted). Neither works. Weekends? Not so much. Swim lessons, family time. Occasionally the husband will take the kids to the park or a movie and I will stay back for some time to myself, but I’m not always in the mood to write then. So mornings are it. It’s quiet, kids are gone and after the dogs have their breakfast you wouldn’t even know they are here.
Since the migraine episode occurred earlier this week I was not able to get out and do the second part of the Ruffwear Swamp Cooler Vest review or complete the photos for the Griptex Boots review, either. I know people are interested in those; sorry about that. My goal is to finish them in the next few days. I am also simultaneously editing photos for another review. I need to get out and get some fresh air. Sunday we have a family commitment so that leaves Friday and Saturday. If I want to do it without screaming, arguing, whining and noise (which completely defeats and erases the zen feeling I am trying to cultivate), it will be tomorrow while the kids are in school. I’m working against the Florida heat as well, which is miserable. I adore cooler temps but we don’t have many of them per year. I am so completely jealous of people who can get out in the cooler temps or just be comfortable outside year round. I need more of that. A move will be on the horizon after these kids get a little older.
Spending time outdoors with the dogs is my happy place. Especially if it is cool and breezy and there is beautiful scenery all around. One foot in front of the other, with nothing but the sound of the dogs panting and the leaves rustling. This is what I need more of in my life. What do you do to bring yourself peace and happiness? What do you do for “me time”?
Click on the above links to be taken to two of the most fun blog hops around: The Thursday Barks & Bytes Blog Hop brought to you by 2 Brown Dawgs and Heart Like A Dog and Thoughtless Thursday brought to you by Ruckus The Eskie and co-host Love is being owned by a Husky. Remember to like, comment and follow so everyone can make new friends!